I’m sure most of us have had the unfortunate experience of befriending a toxic person. They’re attracted to confident, reasonable people because that’s, among other things, what they lack. They project their insecurities onto you & make you feel as worthless as they do. They’re typically narcissistic people whose false sense of confidence is derived from making others feel less than them.
Toxic individuals are like parasites. They literally just take and take and take.
What makes a person “toxic”??
Picture this: You’re minding your business, watching Netflix, stuffing your face. Life is great. Then your phone vibrates, you look over & its .. THEM.
Your mood is already blown & your eyes roll all the way to the back of your damn head at the thought of having to have a conversation w| this person. “Do I answer?”, you wonder but if you don’t, you’ll have to give them a full Powerpoint presentation as to why you couldn’t answer the next time you speak to them. But if you DO, all they’re going to talk about is other people or guilt you into doing them a favor and hold you hostage on the phone.
Sound familiar? I have been victim to this MANY fckn times. [way too many] And 9 times out of 10, that person was a shitty, toxic person.
“People either inspire you, or they drain you-pick them wisely.”
– Haus F. Hansen
Most of us, including me, have been in or is currently in a toxic relationship/friendship & don’t even know it or don’t want to come to terms w| it. Whether it’s love or the fact you’ve known them for a long time, it can be hard to see & hard to leave.
There are many red flags to spot a toxic, shitty person. Here are 10 to help you avoid being caught in their web.
Just like the scenario in the beginning of this post, if the mere thought of interaction w| an individual leaves you mentally & emotionally drained, they’re most likely toxic. Conversations & interactions w| healthy people excite you, makes you happy. Doesn’t matter what the topic is. Toxic beings siphon your vitality. Energy doesn’t lie.
2.They lie about any & everything.
People w| toxic personalities will tell huge lies, small lies, all lies. It doesn’t matter to them. All that matters is that they get what they want. They will make up complete stories, create variations of the truth that makes THEM look good & they will also lie by omission. They’ll NEVER admit it & they’ll deny it until they’re blue in the face.
Pessimist: [noun] A person who tends to see the worst aspects or believe the worst will happen.
They hide under the guise that they’re ‘realists’ but that’s bullshit.
Realist: [noun] A person who accepts a situation as it is & is prepared to deal with it accordingly.
They don’t want to prepare for bad situations, they just wanna btch about it & victimize themselves to gain sympathy. They’re negative little shits that will drain all hope from you to make you feel like them.
4.They’re selective listeners.
When you first meet a toxic individual, it may seem like they listen intently because they are. They’re listening for a fault of yours, something they don’t like or something they can twist up to their advantage. They also want you be comfortable w| spilling your guts to them. They want to hear all the ugly to keep in their arsenal.
After they get what they want, they don’t care about your life or about anything you have to say. Unless you’re going through hard times so they can collect more shit to use against you.
Toxic people tend to be narcissistic, which is a staple toxic person trait. Narcissists like to dominate the conversation. They’re incapable of having a normal conversation. Even in a group conversation, they tend to be the ‘LOOK AT ME’ participant. Unnecessarily loud, talking over people. They are more interested in talking about themselves & their problems. Conversations are meant to go back & forth, listening & responding. Having one w| a toxic person often feels like talking to a wall.
5.They always talk shit about other people.
Toxic people are so damn judgmental, its disgusting. They have this ‘holier than thou’ complex which makes them feel as though they can do no wrong, and even if they DO do wrong, it’s always justified. They put other people down to feel better about themselves. It’s honestly so fckn pathetic.
Only people who don’t think much of themselves, would find glee into making other feel like shit. By making someone who appears to be confident & has high self-esteem, feel like nothing, they, in return, feel more powerful. They also LOVE to talk about their “accomplishments”, as to say : “Look at me, doing better than you. Look at my grand life.” You’ll never seen a healthy, successful person constantly brag about their achievements. They let their work speak for them.
They’re insecure & have such low self-esteem, that they document everything for praise.
6.THEY ARE MANIPULATIVE AS FCK.
Toxic people are professional manipulators. They have a knack for making you feel as though you owe them so you find yourself always trying to please them. They also drain you of your time & energy, all under the illusion of a “friendship” or relationship. This makes it tricky. I mean, they know what you like, what makes you happy and whatnot but they use it to THEIR advantage. They almost always have a hidden agenda.
7.They never say sorry.
I get it, its hard to own up to your mistakes, but toxic people NEVER make mistakes right?? Therefore, they have no reason to apologize. BULLSHIT. They ALWAYS have an excuse for bad behavior & it always stems from something YOU did.
“I’m sorry but if you would have just..”
“I’m sorry but you got me so upset so..”
Any apology that has ‘but’ following after isn’t a fckn apology. It’s a way to place the blame on what they did. They’ll place it on anyone, as long as it’s not them.
This is so fckn important. Whether they’re physically abusive or verbally/emotionally abusive, no one should be regularly hurting you. And NO, abuse doesn’t exclusively happen in romantic relationships, friends & family are just as capable.
Physical abuse shouldn’t EVER be tolerated. If it happened once, it’ll happen again. No one should feel comfortable raising their hand to you. Verbal abuse isn’t taken as seriously as physical abuse because there isn’t any physical damage. But verbal abuse isn’t about black eyes & broken bones. It’s about breaking your spirit.
Belittling, name-calling, ranking & comparing, raging, harassment, gas lighting, threats are all types of verbal/emotional abuse.
A person w| a toxic personality would use any & all of these tactics to maintain power over you to keep you in the constant state of obedience.
9.They are ALWAYS the victim.
Healthy people know how to hold themselves accountable for their actions & the effect that their words have on others. Toxic people CONSTANTLY point the finger. Whether it was the weather, the government, their mom, Beyoncé, SOMEONE ELSE is always at fault. It’s ridiculous. Anyone who doesn’t agree w| them is against them.
10.You find yourself reading articles & posts like this.
You know that person is toxic. You wouldn’t necessarily be reading this if they weren’t. You don’t need an article to validate that. You’re not Jesus, you don’t have to save anyone. You aren’t that person’s redemption. Fall back & save yourself.
I guess this post can make toxic individuals seem like monsters & not human. That’s because they lack empathy & compassion. The two very traits that makes us human. So in a way, no they aren’t human. Like I said, they’re parasites. Vampires even. Don’t allow yourself to become their source for depletion. Self preservation is key.