At the beginning of 2016, I declared it was
‘The Year of the NO‘.
Anything I felt wouldn’t benefit me or if I felt like I had to go completely out of my way or if I just plainly didn’t want to do it..
I wanted to be selfish as FCK. and completely unapologetic about it.
Now don’t get me wrong. By selfish, I don’t mean being a self-absorbed, self-centered, spoiled brat. I wanted to FINA-FCKN-LY put my wants & needs before everyone else’s. As women, we’re conditioned from birth to be passive, agreeable. To be “polite”, to be givers. And sometimes that meant to do things we don’t necessarily don’t want to do so that we don’t come off as being “rude”. Expressing your unwillingness to “cooperate” is being a btch or combative.
So, for example, if a guy I’m completely uninterested in, asks me out, the “polite” thing to do would be to just go. Because turning him down would be rude because he’s “such a nice guy”.
For a woman, being polite is to neglect your wants & needs for someone else’s benefit.
I wasn’t finna do that shit any longer. It’s fckn exhausting & incredibly draining. People get so comfortable & begin to take advantage of you, take you for granted. Or volunteer you for shit because they assume you’ll say yes. Like that’s not rude as hell.
Within that year, just by saying no to shit I just did not want to do, people really started to show their true colors. “Friends” didn’t want to fck w| me as much, men were SEVERELY butthurt & complete strangers were put off simply because I DARED to put myself first.
To be honest, it shocked me. What’s w| people & the word ‘NO’?? It’s really not that serious to get so upset about. If you were to ask someone to do something for you or w|e, especially if they have nothing to gain from said favor, and they say no, just bow out gracefully! Don’t guilt them into saying yes & stop asking ‘why’!
It’s irrelevant why, the answer is NO.
“It’s really ok to say no and not have a single reason for saying no other than the answer is no.” –@RedBeKnowing
It also reminded me why I wanted to be a selfish btch in the first place. It doesn’t matter to some people. The minute you say NO, they forget all the times you’ve ever said YES.
I really thought I would eventually start to feel bad because I don’t necessarily like to let people down. But some people’s reactions made it so easy. The more certain people btch’d & complained about the no’s, the more comfortable I felt keeping it up. And it made me realize THOSE certain people didn’t deserve a ‘yes’ in the first place. If you want to know where you stand w| someone or what they think of you, start saying No to them. REGULARLY.
Once toxic, selfish people see that they can’t get what they want out of you for their own personal gain [a.k.a use you whenever the fck they want to], they either fall back & look for another person to drain or they guilt trip you & try their damndest to vilify you for exercising your right to refuse. THEY ARE FCKN VAMPIRES. They will suck you dry, crack open your bones & lick out the damn marrow. And if you don’t stand up for yourself, they’ll keep doing it. People will try you & push their boundaries just to see how much they can get away with. CUT THEM NO FCKN SLACK. They’ll call you a ‘btch’ for it but they’ll never try you again.
I’ll leave you w| this: No one is going to look out for you the way you look out for yourself. No one is going to love you the way YOU love you. Saying ‘yes’ to something or someone you want to say ‘no’ to, is essentially saying ‘no’ to yourself. It takes some time and practice. You’ll lose “friends” maybe, but in the end, it’s so worth it. Stand up for your fckn self.
BE FCKN ASSERTIVE.